What is it with doomed love stories that turns us on? It seems that a lot of people believe love is only worth it, if it hurts.
As the band The Offspring puts it in their song Self Esteem;
“The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?”
That philosophy seems to be practiced by a lot of men and women when it comes to the notion of ‘passionate’ relationships, as if it somehow necessitates hurt.
I have chosen a list of songs, which, to an ordinary blue-pill person might sound like it is about passionate love, but which rather proves that the people involved know little about healthy personal boundaries and the ability to walk away from trouble.
But, psychologically, if we are wired to seek the form of relationship that mirrors our relation to our parents when we were little, then it probably makes sense. In that case, many of us are not looking so much for a happy relationship as much as we are looking for the same kind of suffering that we know from our childhood.
Something to think about.
SUZANNE VEGA – Luka
This classic really portrays Suzanne Vega as blue as the song (Somebody has been playing with alpha channels).
When I was a kid I liked the voice and the feel of this song. I thought that it was about a mysterious woman living her life alone, which is partly true. As an adult, I now understand the lyrics and the story they tell about a woman who lives in an abusive boyfriend. In the song she speaks to her downstairs neighbor about ignoring the domestic violence she is exposed to.
They only hit you, till you cry / After that you don’t ask why / you just don’t argue anymore.
Well, Suzanne, a lot listeners to this song are probably asking why. Why are you still with that violent jerk?
#BreakYourAddiction (if this hashtag didnt exist before, it does now!)
Still, It is part of my childhood soundtrack from the eighties, so it’s got a freepass to my personal Hall of Fame.
ALICIA KEYS – Fallin’
Alicia Keys does not really appeal to me. Yes, she has a great voice and yes, she has produced her share of hits. I just find her a little… boring.
She does know how to sing about unhealthy relationships. Fallin’ is the tale of a woman who keeps taking dozes of ‘bad medicine’ and doesn’t seem able to figure out her situation with a man, who – of course – is in jail.
A winning relationship!
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – What comes around
Justin Timberlake vividly portrays what a simp looks like when he tries to act cool to seduce a woman with serious issues. He learns a lesson the hard way as Scarlett Johansson takes him for a ride which he will never forget.
Advice: If a girl like this ever asks “You’ve got a car?”, say “Yes I do,” then get in it and drive away. Oh, and also; if you have to actually say “I happen to think that I’m a lot of fun,” …you’re not.
Again, #BreakyourAddiction!
One thing is certain, I will never forgive Scarlett for wrecking that classic Corvette Stingray.
RIHANNA – FEAT. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – Rehab
To me, Rihanna personified relationship drama with her beat-up face on Google images. I still haven’t heard Chris Brown’s version of the story. Nonetheless, I just have a hard time imagining Rihanna in a healthy and stable relationship.
That is why this song fits her so well, when she describes her dysfunctional relationship with a motorcycle-riding bad boy, personified by Justin Timberlake (perhaps his experience in the previous song turned him into a Red Pill – with a vengeance)
Remember #BreakYourAddiction!
RIHANNA – Unfaithful
And… it’s Rihanna again! And what do you know, a song about being unfaithful.
This is a Red Pill-message from a woman to all the Blue-Pill men out there about what happens when you are being too nice a man to challenge a woman in a relationship.
At least I have to respect her honesty.
ADELE – Hello
When you get that call or text from an old partner that you disconnected with years ago, it is not romantic at all.
It is a reminder that you should not go back to something you know did not work out the first time, or the second, or the third…
Your relationship was probably dysfunctional and it is not supposed to be romanticized.
To me, this song has a message; Don’t get stuck in the past, get busy living in the present and plan for the future.
#BreakYourAddiction!
So many feeeelllingss!!
CHAINSMOKERS – Don’t Let Me Down
It is easy to idealize the good times in a relationship and make excuses for what went wrong.
Whatever you do, don’t you reach for the photo album!
The song tells about a couple in a wrecked relationship who cling to the nostalgia of the good times. But it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t stick around in codependent relations, if you know what’s good for you.
TEARS FOR FEARS – Woman in Chains
Long story: A woman is providing for her wannabee boxing-champion boyfriend and getting nothing in return but disrespect, arguments and a sobbing manchild who neeeds mothering.
Short story: Woman needs to tell her man to shape up or leave.
ONE REPUBLIC – Hurt Tonight
The couple in this song may be just an ordinary couple that need to have a talk. Any relationship will have bumps along the way.
However, it might also be one of those “She’s on drugs again,” or “I can never give her enough attention.”
“They say love is pain well darling let’s hurt tonight…”
Uhm, no.
STEREOPHONICS – Indian Summer
I didn’t expect Stereophonics to jump on the Blue-Pill bandwagon, but here they are.
This song tells the never ending story about a young man’s infatuation with a hcarming woman. The song has a nostalgic vibe to it about a until your catch the first red flag:
“Cocaine tucked in her shoes…”
which makes the song a testiment to the saying don’t marry your fantasy.
TAYLOR SWIFT – I Knew You Were Trouble
There was a time when Taylor Swift would be considered a sweet girl. You relize that time has passed when you watch her videos.
She has become a violent little Feminist creature. Men are being hurt in her music videos. Like, physically hurt. Just watch videos like Blank Space and the start of Bad Blood.
However, Swift also knows how to fall in love with inked bad boys who takes her for a ride in cool cars, playing songs on guitars and wearing trendy hats which suit a boheme lifestyle – right until they leave her.
Then she feels sorry for herself and makes a song like I Knew You Were Trouble.
R CITY – Make Up
This song explains in few words why a lot of women create drama in relationships.
I love it when we fight just to make up / funny how bad words turn to making love / I get under your skin babe just because / I love it when we fight just to make up
What a man must do is ask himself he has reached a point where female behavior is no longer worth the effort.
SHAWN MENDEZ – Treat You Better
Now, Shawn Mendez is the modern image of an emotional white knight beta male who will sacrifice himself more than once for a woman with emotional and mental problems, who are catering to her daddy issues by chasing the stereotypical bad boy.
Listening to tracks like “Mercy” and “Treat you better”, makes me wish that he’d had some father figure taking him through some sort of male rites of passage as a teenager to grow a pair of balls.
He looks good and his voice has that heart-bleeding pain to it that makes every self-obsessed, borderline little schoolgirl think, “if only I were that special girl torturing him to sing about me this way…”
EMINEM feat. RIHANNA – Love the Way You Lie
Look at that now, another Rihanna-project!
This song is the last and ultimate example of a Red-Pill warning about dysfunctional relationships.
The song is not about love, in my opinion, but about finding a mutual kind of suffering which resembles your childhood trauma.
A sort of Stockholm Syndrome in relationship-form, perhaps. And the worst part is that too many young men and women believe that this kind of relationship is romantic love and worth fighting for. Because it’s just like in the movies, or the fairytales.
FEELINGS! …So many feelings…
Conclusion
These songs all have one thing in common. They should all have a disclaimer at the beginning, like a stamp on a cigarette pack, warning people that the relationship depicted is in reality damaging and if you find yourself in one, you should seek professional help.
Many of these relationships depicted in songs are more fascination or raw desire instead of love.
How can you love a stranger, you know nothing about?
Real love has to do with maturity, to let go of the craving for drama and learn what a stable and healthy relationship looks like.
If it seems boring to you, it is probably because the relationship has balance instead of chaos.
And as I said in the beginning, many of us are ot looking so much for a happy relationship as much as we are looking for the same kind of suffering that we know from our childhood. There are things which people mistake for love, because they facilitate a hidden desire to suffer.