A spiritual war
Psychologist Jordan B. Peterson from the University of Toronto, Canada has great success connecting to young men in his talks about the male crisis in our modern society:
What Jordan B. Peterson is essentially saying is that as a man you need to take responsibility for something to find meaning in your life.
To become physically stronger, a man has to lift weights and challenge his muscles. The metaphor of strength through fighting resistance seems to repeat in a society where more and more men have nothing to fight for and as a consequence they are left in an adolescent and regressive state of lack of purpose.
Maybe the situation of modern men has most precisely been described by the character Tyler Durden in the movie (and the book) named Fight Club. (link til anmeldelse)
“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes.
Working jobs we hate,
so we can buy shit, we don’t need.We’re the middle children of history, men.
No purpose or place.
We have no great war.
No great depression.
Our great war is a spiritual war.
Our great depression, is our lives.”
The modern male role model is a superhero
Modern men searching for male role models in the media are largely left with an oversaturated selection of superheroes, movie stars and popstars. If they want to find role models more ‘ordinary’, the only alternative seems to be exceptional secret agents like Jason Bourne or macho characters played by the likes of actors such as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or Jason Statham.
The ordinary working man is far from the hero he was in the 1940’s or 1950’s. Today he is not even portrayed as an adult but rather like a child and stripped of his authority as Homer in “The Simpsons”, Doug Heffernan in “The King of Queens” or Ray Romano in “Everybody Loves Raymond”. I cannot think of one ordinary male portrayed in modern media that I am inspired by or wish to follow.
The ordinary man dutifully doing his job and taking care of his family is simply not appreciated anymore. Instead the male role model is an extreme display of bad boys, rich and powerful CEO’s in cheesy Fifty Shades of Grey-style or the standard male superhero wearing a three-color combination suit. (As I am writing this, television has Keanu Reeves entering the Matrix once again to save humanity as ‘the chosen one’).
To be relevant and respected in the eyes of women and society as a male, you have to be exceptional, if not ‘super’.
That is a lot for men to live up to.
So why not check out?
What opportunities does society offer for men to fight for something?
Marriage and children perhaps?
With modern society, men have in large parts made their role redundant. Men have created a welfare society which replaces his qualities as a protector and provider and with technology men have given women the ability to become mothers by paying an anonymous man for his sperm and letting technology do the rest. Marriage and children is still the dream for many men and women people. Yet our individualistic lifestyles and our consumer-approach to everything in life often causes divorce and legal battles for custody over the children.
Just a relationship, then?
With feminism women want their freedom, yet are still holding men accountable to many of the past responsibilities of their old gender role. It is as if feminists have not understood that men have the same right to equality as women.
Surely, men can just focus on their job?
Men are the masterminds behind technology and the increasing automation which will, in reality, put many men out of work. A man has two options: he can either climb higher and educate himself academically, or focus on entrepreneurship and abandon the workforce.
If you are a man who loves to compete and strive to make as much money as possible and reach the top of the ladder in your workplace, then you might just thrive in such a situation.
If you are a man who only works in order to live and enjoy your life, then the increasing demand to more study and specialization will be a demand which you find the coming chase for upgrading your skill set to be a stressful way to live.
As a last resort, there is always war.
War is a classic scene for the man to prove his worth and purpose to women and society – and the environment which will scar his mind for life. In war a man risks delivering the ultimate sacrifice. In reality few people will remember him for it.
The truth is that the only way for a man to grow is to confront himself and his environment. He can hide away in the wilderness if that is what he truly wants, but if he wishes to excel as a man in a social environment, he must face himself and the challenges put upon him in that environment
The modern male role
In peace times, the modern man is most of all a consumer. He is a tax payer. He is a man kneeling before his woman and offering her a diamond ring. He buys a house for his family and a car for the family to get around in. He works to provide for his family.
For the vast majority of modern, men this setting is not a mission of his own choosing, but rather society’s and women’s way of reeling in the man from his mission to have him finance both of them with his resources. Yet where he received status and influence in the old society with traditional gender roles, in the new feminist society he receives no influence or equal rights for his sacrifice. He is left with the responsibility.
Modern society has no further interest in men other than having them drive the economy and providing for women and the state. It has no vision to offer them.
So, what is a man without a mission? What is a man without responsibility?
The answer must be that he is just living for himself. However, since humans are social creatures, living solely for yourself will seem like a meaningless existence to most people.
You can skip the program if you feel compelled to bail on society in order to defend your resources, your precious time, not to mention your sanity and personal freedom.
If you are a man going your own way, you will know what I am talking about.
Wants and needs
Nonetheless, I believe that the vast majority of men still wish to stand for something. They still feel a need to stand for something and take responsibility, if nothing else, then at least for themselves. I think that most men instinctively sense an urge to leave a mark on the world.
When I say that a man needs to stand for something, I am not only thinking of the saying by Alexander Hamilton;
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything,
I am thinking of the challenge that every man faces in life, to carry on some form of legacy.
In the old days a man inherited his father’s name. He was challenged with the responsibility of adding his own identity and skill set into his heritage and improve it or – at the very least – simply preserve the status quo. The name was often tied to a skill and represented not only his personal honor, but the honor of his family.
The expectations put on a woman in the past concerned her role as a mother, a wife and as a housekeeper.
Today women have rejected the expectations to their roles as wives and housekeepers. Even the general conception of decent motherhood is a matter of opinion with feminism. The woman has never been expected to carry on the family name or business. Her virtues and qualities regarded her physical appearance and her motherhood.
Where a woman has perceived value through her fertility, sexuality and beauty, a man must achieve something in life to make his name stand out, to raise him above the grey faceless crowd. so that people will hold him in high esteem (and women will find him attractive) .
This is the urge, which Jordan B. Peterson is connecting with in young men.
But what is there to fight for?
The search for a cause
They say that “The world wants to be deceived”, which could also mean that the world wants to be told what to do.
Men have always played the role as leaders and have been expected to take responsibility for not only their own well-being, but the safety of other people, whether these people were family, a unit of soldiers, a work gang a local community or an entire population.
It is men’s nature to take initiative and lead the course of not only their own lives, but the lives of others.
Feminism, however, does not understand the responsibility which comes with influence.
The notion of equality under responsibility is a new concept for women who have gained access to the male world without any counterclaim. It also shows that women know very little about the man, his world and the responsibilities and expectations placed on him.
If you try to start a conversation about feminist rights and taking responsibility, you risk getting called an oppressor or a sexist. Yet men accept the notions of responsibility from the get go. They actually welcome it. Men feel a need to take responsibility for something. Women shy away from it
Responsibility and self-worth is deeply connected in a man’s world.
To me it has become clear that men need to challenge feminism to redeem themselves and recreate their own narrative and their equilibrium.
A new male mission
Men are in a crisis because they have given away the narrative, in their private relationships as well as in society.
Men’s new mission could be to shed their naivety and their idealism about women, which stems from romanticism. Men’s new mission could be to learn about- and understand women, through which the spell of the modern woman will be broken and men will once again be in control of society and their own narrative in life.
Men could to reject the feminist narrative and deny the shameful image, which have been imposed by men – and accepted by men because we do not understand women, or even ourselves.
Jorden B. Peterson is correct when he ask for men to take responsibility. It is the key to our own salvation. By taking responsibility for our own mistakes, we can also start challenging women to take responsibility for themselves.
Yet Jordan B. Peterson still sees the man in his conventional role as a provider for a family. It seems to me that Peterson has a hard time understanding how much power women have in their relation to men in modern society.
Women are making new rules through feminism and so, men can no longer stay in their traditional role, which would be to comply with feminist demands and submitting to the modern woman.
Refusing to play along with the female agenda is the first step.
Conquer fear
One life mission all men must accomplish to achieve their goal is to conquer fear, as fear keeps a man in a lesser state than his full potential. Fear is the ultimate enemy in most people’s lives.
Rejecting the feminist agenda is also a vital part of every man’s mission, since he is also confronting a covert fear of female rejection.
The fear of female rejection is the reason why men stay in violent and abusive relationships with women. It is also the reason why men hide their weaknesses. Women expect men to be strong and even though women intellectually invite men to open up and share your feelings, their image of the vulnerable man is still dependent on the inner core of that man to still be strong.
Conquering fear will be the ultimate test in life for men – and women – and a mission which will include confronting many weak points in a man’s mind. Including the mission to challenge feminism and the outdated romantic view on women.